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Literature Text
When things go bad
We’re told to wish upon a star
Or place our wishes on a penny and throw it into a well
Well what’s a wish
But more than a broken fancy
Never to be completed
Wishes are wasted
Wasted and wasting away
How can our problems be solved
By wishing them away?
Wishes are prayers that might not be fixed
Lying around with no hope of going to Heaven
Just sitting there…Broken
Wishes…our wasted thought process
Hopeless dreams…never to come true
What can a wish do for you?
We’re told to wish upon a star
Or place our wishes on a penny and throw it into a well
Well what’s a wish
But more than a broken fancy
Never to be completed
Wishes are wasted
Wasted and wasting away
How can our problems be solved
By wishing them away?
Wishes are prayers that might not be fixed
Lying around with no hope of going to Heaven
Just sitting there…Broken
Wishes…our wasted thought process
Hopeless dreams…never to come true
What can a wish do for you?
ok, this isnt THAT bad.
...just a bit.
and a sears sign inspired me.
it said something about wishes, and i was all like "pshaw. screw that."
...just a bit.
and a sears sign inspired me.
it said something about wishes, and i was all like "pshaw. screw that."
© 2004 - 2024 kirestal
Comments2
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I like your simple idea which got this poem started. To this effect, stanza 1 works well. Especially the pun on "well" on v.3 and "well" v. 4 works well 
. It's kind of a great transition from the opening in the first 3 verses into the actual theme of the poem, which is introduced in verse 5.
The second stanza elaborates a bit on the second half of the first stanza. I say "a bit" because it doesn't really give the reader anything new to think about. You might want elaborate on this a bit more -- maybe get some imagery in it or something. I do like the phrase "wishing them away", though.
Stanza 3 does do a little bit in terms of elaboration, yet, once again, a real good image to convey your message is missing -- for my taste. I don't exactly get the difference between prayers and wishes that you mention. Prayers do go to heaven while wishes do not, okay, but does that make prayers any better than wishes? Aren't prayers just a special kind of wish and don't they also not come true most of the time? I think once again maybe you should elaborate on the differences between prayer and wish just so the reader has an easier time understanding what point you're trying to make.
The last stanza works well, I guess. I like poems that end in a question. However, this question doesn't really give you anything new to think about -- it basically just repeats what you have already been saying throughtout your entire poem. It works well as a summary, and that's good, it's just nothing spectacular.
Overall, this is a solid poem with a solid idea -- and i don't think it's sad that this is what you think about during christmas time because at least you're not trying to be all fake and positive. But there are still things that could be improved and may make this poem sound less ordinary.
Thanks for your time
DeadCow
. It's kind of a great transition from the opening in the first 3 verses into the actual theme of the poem, which is introduced in verse 5. The second stanza elaborates a bit on the second half of the first stanza. I say "a bit" because it doesn't really give the reader anything new to think about. You might want elaborate on this a bit more -- maybe get some imagery in it or something. I do like the phrase "wishing them away", though.
Stanza 3 does do a little bit in terms of elaboration, yet, once again, a real good image to convey your message is missing -- for my taste. I don't exactly get the difference between prayers and wishes that you mention. Prayers do go to heaven while wishes do not, okay, but does that make prayers any better than wishes? Aren't prayers just a special kind of wish and don't they also not come true most of the time? I think once again maybe you should elaborate on the differences between prayer and wish just so the reader has an easier time understanding what point you're trying to make.
The last stanza works well, I guess. I like poems that end in a question. However, this question doesn't really give you anything new to think about -- it basically just repeats what you have already been saying throughtout your entire poem. It works well as a summary, and that's good, it's just nothing spectacular.
Overall, this is a solid poem with a solid idea -- and i don't think it's sad that this is what you think about during christmas time because at least you're not trying to be all fake and positive
. But there are still things that could be improved and may make this poem sound less ordinary. Thanks for your time
DeadCow